Now as a girl I have been able to get a few free things in my life. It’s one of the perks. I have been taught what it means when a man buys you a drink, when he buys you dinner, when he asks you to go home and when he buys you a diamond ring. I can interpret the meaning of all these tand have moves to combat them. But what about a watermelon? I have the least clue what a man buying you a watermelon means or how to combat it. Here in Peru I have had to combat my fair share of come-ons. It comes with the terrirory of sticking out like a sore thumb. One of the best to date have been “I may be short but I’m ready princess,” but I have yet to deduce the significance of the watermelon. This may be because I am entirely clueless, a man could probably be on one knee with a Tiffany’s box and I would be staring at the shiny object behind him. I back up this assentation with the fact that I have accidently ended up on two dates in my life, not realizing until half way though that it was in fact a date.
Anyways I was wondered over to the watermelon truck that showed up in my town to get a slice of watermelon. Apparently the slice I ordered was so insignificant that when I tried to pay I was told I could have it for free. I was quite excited to have a free thing. Because who doesn’t love free things. Why earlier that day when I was doing my encuestas in the town in was given a bag of dried salted beef fat you fry like bacon. What I had always dreamt of getting. And then an engineer walked past and decided to buy a watermelon. My general cluelessness complied with the language barrier made it take even longer to catch on to the fact that the watermelon he was buying was in fact for me. In fact he blatantly had to say that the watermelon was mine. I was under the impression that he was buying a watermelon for himself to share and was going to give me a piece, not the whole thing. So clearly in my awkward confusion I did exactly what you are not supposed to do, smiled and laughed awkwardly utterly confused by the situation.
No one has taught me what a watermelon means. And clearly since no one has told me I haven’t the slightest idea. Anyways I now have a full watermelon for free to compliment my free dried beef fat. It has been a day of presents. I generously gave my beef fat away to the women in my puesto since my cocina doesn’t quite function at the moment. And as for the watermelon my plan is to bring it to dinner and share it with the engineer and his friends hopefully that will defuse any hidden meaning within the watermelon but who really knows. Undoubtedly not me.
The one thing that I know for sure that I will not do is show them my photo album. I was sharing it with my health post yesterday when one of their husbands commented that girl has nice boobs. I looked down and he was pointing at a picture of me. I gulped and blushed and got the most awkward a human being could become. When looking at the next photo he realized that the girl he was talking about was in fact me. I look slightly different with my hair down, make-up and a dress. In some worlds I am may actually be considered attractive, when I am not in 45 layers, shirts up to my neck, thick scarves and strapped into sports bra. I had no comment at that moment. Luckily he quickly became distracted by a photo that I had of a friend and I from prom senior year.
He then became convinced that that was my novio. I epically failed at explaining the concept of just friends. Something seemed to not be translating. It wasn’t until the enfermera Felly said that when we went down the mountain to call I only called my mom did he believe that my friend was not my novio. Felly undeniable quelled the idea that I had any sort of love life, because if I had I would have called him. Which is also probably false because that shit would have cost about 40 soles, roughly 20% of my monthly income. I’m glad that showing my photos brought to light my boobs and my lack of love life. Two things you always want brought up during lunch with co-workers.
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