1/2 The Story

Sorry it has taken me so long to write. I had every intention of writing sooner but there was a world cup qualifier game, Peru vs. Ecuador. We lost 4-2, but after we lost My Little Man clapped and said “que triste, well since we lost we should have more beer.” How can you say no to a little old man clapping about beer? Fact: You can’t. Then he commented ”que rico es cervesa.” The man loves his futbol and cervesa con Coca-Cola (yes I mixed beer with coke, better than you would think). Anyways after drinking a beer to celebrate Peru’s loss and then Venezuela’s win over Argentina, My Little Man and I casually entered into a conversation about religion… where I had to to explain the origins of the three Abrahamic religions. Now keep in mind I don’t know the word for the Bible in Spanish. So I think in a round about way I explained it. But there are no guarantees if it translated correctly. I roughly said there was the old book and Jesus and Muhammad. Who knows what he did with that nugget of information. Then we moved on to the evangelicals and the Prosperity Gospel. Of course I completely forgot the English name for the Prosperity Gospel so I said the “creecimento en las platas”- the belief in coins. I sincerely apologize to all evangelicals for that one.

The greatest struggle I have had in the past two weeks only getting about half the story here. Either people don’t quite understand what I am saying or vice versa. And I say “si” a lot with no clue to what I am actually agreeing to. For instance, when My Little Man was reminding me to lock the door or else I would get robbed and killed (it seemed a bit aggressive since earlier he said there was not much crime in Tres de Octubre, but who am I to judge?) I just kept saying “si.” Roughly 5 minutes later I realized I was agreeing to wanting to get robbed and killed. No wonder he got so concerned and explained how to lock the doors 10 times.

In gerenal my language skills have been improving, I just jump 2 language groups because I’m just that stellar but some basic things still escape me. My Little Man just let me know that I have been miss pronouncing “todo” (all) this whole time. I have been saying “toro” (bull). That really explained why he always looked so perplexed when I was talking about “todos los x, y and z.” He was hearing “bull the x, y and z.” I’m pretty sure Sunday I said a sentence that roughly translated to “bull the volunteers went to go to the agriculture university to believe organic gardens.” I only make sense roughly 50% of the time I speak in English but this sentence is just down right ridiculous. Why the hell would bulls be believing organic garden? They wouldn’t. Probably should have learned how to speak in English before coming to Peru. Minor details.

Anyways, then I used my wondrous grammatical skills to talk to my host mom in Argentina. Yes she does exist. When I was handed the phone to talk to her I was so taken off guard by this magical, mythical contraption called a telephone all I managed was “hola, como estas?” Completely forgot all the necessities like “your house and family are so nice,” “thank you for letting me stay here,” “cant wait to meet you.” Just stood there in the kitchen holding the phone as if it was a dead rat and My Little Man whispering “Cuando vas a venir?’ (when are you going to return). My Little Man gave me one of those “oh honey its ok” looks. It goes along well with the giggle in your face look that is pretty standard. My family makes a solid effort to help me speak Spanish but sometimes they just cant help laughing at me. I would be offended but I run into walls so its happened before.

Now the prime example miscommunication skills is an incident that happened Monday at dinner. Limber, my host brother, left after dinner. The woman who comes over to help cook, who I call My Nanny, said he was going to see “su flaca.” Side note: you may be wondering why I call her my nanny. It’s because she helps me with my homework, feeds me, packs my lunch and occasionally reads out loud to me. Yup I’m 5. Anyways, the entire time My Nanny was talking about this illusive “flaca” she was quite the little miss sassy-pants. Not quite understanding why she was saying “flaca” the way 13 year-old-girls say “boooyyyfffrrriiieennndd” I asked what a “flaca” was. She replied “la mujer con (or para, missed that one) el dinero.” This left me even more confused. So naturally I jumped to the conclusion that my brother was going to see a prostitute or going grocery shopping. These were the only two options. I’m quite the logical one, its undeniable. Bewildered by the casual mention of my brother going to visit a prostitute I asked my language teacher Monica, what “flaca” meant. It means skinny girl, and colloquially it is often used to signify friend or girlfriend. She laughed at me when I asked if it could mean prostitute. So we are left with grocery. Or the way more likely option that he was going to see a friend who is a really skinny girl. But I’m sticking to prostitute. It’s more entertaining.

My other favorite example of my perpetual bewilderment was the fact that I used a shirt as a towel for roughly a week. When I arrived after I had taken my first shower I asked my dad if there was a towel I could use and he said I would have to buy one. Now I had already taken a shower so he seemed perplexed that I asked him after I was already dry for a towel. I felt as if he would know that I used a shirt-towel. But after a brief moment of judgment he asked me if I wanted to go to the market that night to buy one. I was so awkward about the fact I was asking for a towel after my first shower I ate my words and said we can go later in the week or on the weekend. I have no idea what the fuck I was thinking because if he wasn’t judging me (lets get serious he wasn’t) for using a shirt towel after my first shower he sure as hell was after I turned down an opportunity to solve my towel dilemma. He was probably thinking “what is wrong with her? Is she not going to shower?” or “what on earth is she using to dry herself if she clearly doesn’t have a towel but doesn’t want to go get one?” I did in fact shower and used my long sleeve thermal to dry off. For some unknown reason did not remedy this whole towel predicament for a week, even though I went to the market, twice. It wasn’t until I washed the shirt and actually contemplated using it permanently that I realized I was being silly. Also, I’m 99% sure the only reason I didn’t continue to use shirt-towel was the fact it got cold and shirt-towel was my only warm long sleeve. I am just chock full of magnificent life moments.

Training is still going along. Sometimes there are distinct moments where I am shocked or only get half the story. Like getting lost and hopping curbs and becoming airborne in the Peace Corps vans on the way to Lima. Everyone has figured out that I am clumsy. I think it startled them at first that someone of my caliber of skill exists, but it was probably just jealousy. Or confusion. 6 in one half dozen in the other really. But now when I run into a pole it comes as no shock. Sometimes I think the technical trainers and language tutors don’t know what to do with me. it doesn’t help that I inevidably accidently blurt out super inappropriate things in front of them roughly daily. Such as “mother-fucking shit what the hell is going on?” That happened. I was startled. So naturally I screamed Profanities into the Assistant Country Directors ear. Also I accidently knocked into the country directors glasses when going in for the Peruvian kiss (a kiss on the cheek). Pure class. Apparently when he went for the Peruvian kiss with the next girl with glasses he was timid, scared of a repeat. Luckily my skills are unrepeatable. And yesterday, two fellow Trainees tied my shoes for me in front of my boss Katrin and I had my shirt on inside out. Really proving my competency skills. Katrin said “awe, they really take care of you.” And then laughed. I asked her if she was laughing at me. She tried to lie and say she wasn’t but she couldn’t hold it together through the lie. I would like to have you know I do know how to tie my shoes. They just bent down before I did.

So that’s all for now boys and girls! I am going to turn off my headlamp and go to bed. Yes I do have my headlamp strapped over my Bose headphones. Undeniably awesome fashion right there.

Xoxo

KCM